One of the things that lots of folks miss the most after a romantic relationship ends is too often referred to as just "sex." But as most of you know, the thing that really hurts most is the loss of intimacy, not just the orgasms that may come at the climax of closeness.

Physical intimacy embraces a host of emotions and sensations. On the physical side, things range from the tender, loving touches that even infants need in order just to stay alive, to warm and protective embraces, to the exchange of admiring glances when lovers expose their bodies to one another in varying degrees of naked revelations, all the way through to urgent, almost violent exchanges of bodily fluids.

The emotional intimacy that physical closeness may inspire can produce reactions ranging from hysterical laughter to joyful shouts to pleasure-filled moans to tearful releases. When excitement produces real, raw honesty and willingness to risk being absolutely real in the here and now, almost any kind of powerful emotions may result.

That's why "sex" is so addictive. Its explosions release more than just physical tensions. It can release our innermost truths, and let us share them with someone we trust.

Until that trust may come to an end. What then? Get a pet? Hug a pal? Hold hands with Mom? Buy a vibrator?

Yes, to some degree even these simple substitutes can help to fill a small part of the intimacy void that has opened up in your life. But the passage of time will ultimately prove to be your very best friend. In the meanwhile, at all costs avoid seeking out such temporary replacements as one-night-stands, hookup sex, or worst of all, sex in exchange for money. None of these things will do anything more than momentarily distract you from the pain that you feel. And some of them can actually make your pain worse by exposing your vulnerability to loneliness and the lack of a focal meaning outside of yourself in your life.

It's relatively easy for women to simulate sexual interest. Lots of today's mates and dates don't even look for the signs that real intimacy still moves and shakes in their lovers. For males, like it or not, sex can almost irresistibly give warnings, like canaries in coal mines. When your interest turns flaccid and dies, watch out. The mine may be getting ready to blow up in your face. It certainly worked that way for me, several months before my first marriage finally died in a physical separation. Our little marital canary had laid a big fat goose egg. But I was too busy to pay much attention at that time. Too bad for me.

You never get over the loss of really close, intimate relationships without paying an emotional price. Your love, like an egg, will only break up when emotional force is applied to crack the shell that contains it. Having your feelings scrambled or fried is a sure thing. And your heart will never, ever, be served over easy.

Be of good cheer. Someday, perhaps much sooner than you think, the emotional pain will end. And once you've recharged your intimacy batteries, you'll be ready once again to trust a lover with the release of your own most intimate and unique sexual truths.